This is actually old news. We've known the fact that wankers don't get prostate cancer, for many years. Instead, they piss people off, and eventually somebody kills them. This throws off the statistics, because they're therefore dying of something other than cancer. » 10/30/14 6:09pm Today 6:09pm

Definitive Proof That Nostradamus Predicted Star Wars

The prophecies of the French astrologer Nostradamus remain famous more than 400 years after his death. He has been credited with predicting events like the French Revolution and World War II. But, after careful scrutiny, we present evidence that his prophecies were, in fact, plot spoilers for the Star Wars films. » 10/30/14 9:00am Today 9:00am

It is widely rumored that the paparazzi have rights, and are people, but this is incorrect. The truth is, they are insects, who work for the Trans-Galactic Alliance as freelance news foragers, and take human form only to create fodder for their media. » 10/30/14 11:35am Yesterday 11:35am